Sometimes I wonder if I’ve peaked too late. I concern myself with these things when I can’t sleep which has been recently. My troubles come when I feel as if I know what I’m doing. Doing with my life, my career, my love, my time. I come home from my scholastic endeavors and feel like my peers are light years ahead of me. I’m told that’s not so, that it’s not the case. It’s a life-long pursuit, art. I don’t feel patronized or talked down too and the meddlesome elements of my own mind and doubts are more the cause than anything, but what it creates in my mind is this feeling that I call the Resentful Adult.
The Resentful Adult occurs in the off-hand occasions where the pursuit of life, passions, etc. are overridden by the difficulties of needing to take care of the matters at hand that limit the time, emphasis on time, used for the real elements of life: Family, Love, Relationships, Friends, Art, Dancing, Music and when the other parts take away from these things, I find myself a Resentful Adult. Resenting the needs of others that require me attention – Landlords, Telecommunications Companies, Utilities Companies, etc. when I could be investing in my woman, my guitar, my friends. This may sound like childish prattling, but it’s not the point. The point is that the Resentful Adult is soon replaced by the Aware Adult. Aware of what really matters and that maybe simplifying is the way to pursue a life where the Resentful Adult is slowly given over to the Joyful Adult. The Joyful Adult is the one that doesn’t sweat when life happens, but embraces the fact that the dreams they have are still valid and whether or not the come to fruition in this life are worth having. Because time is all we have and to spend it in dutiful competition with ourselves results in and unending stream of regret and resentment. It’s too short for that. I may never reach the goals that I had a year ago, 10 years ago, yesterday, but I can’t sit around wondering if I should’ve started now instead of 14 years ago. Today it snowed all day. Tomorrow I will continue to master my instrument, tell my woman I love her, and remember and be grateful for my family though I don’t get to see them as often as I wish. And I will be Joyful.